Voice - Try This 3.4
Write a short character sketch of someone you dislike (you need not reveal this person's identity). Write a monologue in which that person tells you an anecdote from his or her childhood.
Chapter 6 - Key Words
from http://hubpages.com/hub/Using-These-Words-Will-Help-You-Sound-Smart Please choose at least 3 key terms from Chapter 6 and define them using the book and then add a supplemental definition that you found while researching on the Internet. Post the definitions in comments box. These terms will help us during our class discussions of story. We will review the context of the words in our next class discussion.
This person has had an interesting childhood. They would tell lies and get in trouble with their parents often. They would steal things from their friends, lie to their classmates about irreverent aspects of their life, and manipulate people into doing things for them, such as homework. They easily got away with little things like this when they were little, and it carried into their teenage years and adulthood. This person goes through friends and relationships quickly, and no one seems to ever have full trust in them. When you encounter mutual friends, they often warn you about this person and tell you not to get too close to them.
ReplyDelete- ellie breeze
DeleteWhen I was little I had to share a room with my brother. Everything in the room was always dark. There were dark walls, the blinds and curtains were always shut, and the lights were very dim. Since my brother and I shared a room, we began to fight a lot. I would steal things from him, lie to him about where these things were, and manipulate him into doing things for me, and bribing him with his toys that I stole. I would get in trouble with my parents but that didn't stop me. I never stopped this behavior and carried it into my teenage years and adulthood. I only became better at not being caught and could manipulate people without them even knowing. I cannot keep many friends for long, but I can find them easily. I know exactly what I'm doing, but I will never change. This is all I know.
DeleteWhile this person will always have a special place in my heart, I will never forget the way they made me feel. I was there for this person for three years and they would not be able to say the same thing about me. This person is about six feet tall, skinny, with blonde, short hair. I let this person control my life, not in a harmful or dangerous way, but in a mentally exhausting one. Some might call it a right person wrong time scenario. I forgave this person for their actions one too many times and I finally snapped back to reality. This person made me more of an independent person than I would ever thought I would be.
ReplyDeleteI with this person the very best. I hope they are happy. While we have not seen each other in over a year, and rarely ever speak, I hope everything is going good. This person and their family will always have such a special place in my heart and I will forever be grateful for my experiences.
I have always been protective over her. I knew how easy it was to get away with things, considering the fact that I did them. I continued this pattern for 3 years, on and off of course. I know what I did wrong and after she realized she was done with everything forever, I regretted it. My family still love her. They bring her up all the time. Unfortunately, they all know what happened and they know she's never coming back. She is now happy and in a new relationship. I wish her all the best, but it haunts me every day.
DeleteHe was my best friends little brother whenever I was in middle school. He was nasty, spoiled, and rotten. But his mother let him be because she felt guilty that his father had cheated on her and left their family. And he knew it too well, and he took advantage of her in that way.
ReplyDeleteA monologue from his perspective:
My mom has been fussing at me over the last few day to take a shower, but I really don't feel like taking a shower. It takes too much time away from me being able to play online with my friends. It's so stupid and I don't even smell bad I don't think. I hate my mom. She always tries to get me to eat fruits and vegetables and do other stupid things like mop or wash dishes. All of that stuff is stupid, I don't want to eat that stuff- it's gross. And I don't want to clean- it's boring. I'm basically a man now; I should be able to decide what I want to do and what I don't want to do. Especially since my dad isn't here.
Just the mere presence of him makes me want to turn and go in the other direction. Normally I am a very welcoming person but this one individual does nothing but get on my nerves. The way he carries himself, the arrogance he has when talking to others and the pure disrespect he has for peoples feelings and lives is what drives me away from him. He looks like any other man, average height and build and was in control of my life from a soccer aspect for two years.
ReplyDeleteI'm now faced with him right in front of me telling me all about his childhood dream of college soccer. He says " I remember being in the same shoes as you telling myself that one day I could make it to the professional league and have everything that I've ever wanted. This place looked much different then, I remember there was no turf grass anywhere and the school did not have as much space as today". As he's telling me this story I cannot think anything other than he does not care for me or my future self and what I want to be in life. It's not that I do not believe him but all I see is a fake representation of him around the team and parents versus individually one on one.
-David Roy
Monologue Revision
Delete“I remember being in the same position as you were when I was in high school. I thought I could have it all by going to a division 1 college for soccer and making something of myself. I did not care who was going to standing my way I would knock them over to get what I wanted. Sometimes to be the best you must get there any way possible. I remember the same fall nights with a chill breeze and playing under the lights of the stadium, and I thought my life could not get any better than this. I had that killer mentality that it did not matter how we got it done but all I wanted was to win and gain that individual glory for myself. I would do whatever necessary to get my name in the spotlight to seem like it was me who was leading the team. Soccer is meant to be a team game but for me it was all about receiving the ball at my feet and doing the most I could myself to get the ball into the goal. “
-David Roy
As she stands in front of me, with her shoulders slumped, my heart breaks for her. I have a lot of love for her, which in a way, makes things harder. I do not enjoy time spent around her - and I limit our interactions as much as possible. She is draining. She is stuck in her mind. Stuck with the idea that life sucks and there is nothing she can do about it. Stuck thinking everyone should feel sorry for her, as sorry as she feels for herself. She is a victim of the universe. She sits back and lets things happen. She doesn't fight back.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how a person can be okay with just being that bitter. But it's a personal choice - if you want to be bitter and feel like everyone is against you, go for it. Just don't bring others down with you. These are things that I've always wanted to say, but I can't say them to someone who is already seemingly so defeated. At least not without feeling terrible afterwards.
It is okay to share your struggles with people, I even encourage it. Sharing burdens strengthens relationships. However, there is a difference between telling someone about something you're struggling with, and expecting that person to act as your therapist. Friendships should be based on the good and the bad in each others lives. The triumphs and the heartbreaks. Not every minor inconvenience.
All of this runs through my head as she stands before me, telling me once again about her sister used to steal her clothes. As she speaks, I contributed with short statements every once in a while, trying to remind her what she has to be grateful for. "It sounds like you have a lot of fun memories with your family." "I've always wanted a sister so I could steal her clothes." "I'm glad you had your own room so you had at least some boundaries and control."
My statements seem to just bounce off of her. They are irrelevant to her complaints. So she continues on. I politely dismiss myself and continue to hope that she will find the joy in life soon.
Chicky
As the words, "you're just too nice" left her mouth I felt my heart drop to my stomach. As people are telling me to not take it personal and don't be sensitive I feel of sense of disassociation. My lungs fill with fire as I want to scream the words that people like her use as stones to damage the people with good hearts. Everyone notices her as the shy girl who needs protecting, but I see her as the girl who turned my good heart into stone. I thought I was the wildflower in a field of daisies, but maybe I'm the wilted flower giving my water to others as they deserve to bloom more than me. Is the power of my empathy my own downfall? I find myself believing the words of being "too much" for people, for the world, and for myself.
ReplyDeleteI want to see her through the eyes of the people protecting her as then I might see the root of her hatred towards people with hearts that put in the effort to make people feel special. Maybe she never felt special or maybe her seeing the effort I put into my own friendship is something she can't comprehend. Unfortunately with a big heart I take everything to heart. How do I fend off the stone as they come flinging at the one thing I feel good about myself. Is that part not good enough for people either and will I always fit into the label of being the girl who just is too much for everyone? I feel like the villain in my own world as a characteristic that I thought made me a hero in people's lives was just this false reality.
As the words, "you're just too nice" left her mouth I felt my heart drop to my stomach. As people are telling me to not take it personal and don't be sensitive I feel of sense of disassociation. My lungs fill with fire as I want to scream the words that people like her use as stones to damage the people with good hearts. Everyone notices her as the shy girl who needs protecting, but I see her as the girl who turned my good heart into stone. I thought I was the wildflower in a field of daisies, but maybe I'm the wilted flower giving my water to others as they deserve to bloom more than me. Is the power of my empathy my own downfall? I find myself believing the words of being "too much" for people, for the world, and for myself.
DeleteVolleyball was my life and It was my ability to feel apart of something. Volleyball gave me my ability to feel good to feel as if I had a upper hand in life. Hanging out with people other than my team wasn’t always an option as I live and breathe volleyball. That made some people I cared about upset as I was trying to be the best and show how amazing at something I was. I want people to know me as the athletic girl who is shy but also will tell you about my game last week and how good I played. The ball is my life and the ability to get it over the net is the ability to know I’m better than those around me. Those who are able to give to the people I care about more than me are out to get me and they are trying to be better than me in ways they think I can’t see. I flaunt my ability to be enough for everyone and no one can tell me I’m not as I won’t believe them as I am again the best.
When I look at this person my stomach turns. All the memories come back and I am left with the same feelings as I had before. "How could my best friend do this to me?" I kept asking myself. I was left with no answers but just the heart break from the massacure that was left behind. We went from doing everything together to doing absolutley nothing together. We still do not talk to this day. I am so anti social and this may be why, I have trust issues and this may be why. It was the night before prom. I thought prom was every girls dream day in high school. Pretty dresses, the makeup, the hair, and the atmosphere but for me it was such a different expierience. I recived a phone call, from a blocked number. At the time I didn't think much about it. I got another one and I decided to answer. "Your prom date is ditching you and going with your best friend." the caller said. I thought to myself, that is not true. I text my best friend, no response. I text my prom date, no response. I wakeup the next morning and continue to get ready for my not so magical day, only to be left waiting with tears and dead flowers because my prom date didnt show up. This hurt I have carried with me for many years. There is no excuse to be a hurtful and mean person. I have let this guide me and build me up stronger for my future self.
ReplyDeleteAbbie Schell
I always felt alone as a kid, I always felt like I have no one around me. I felt so bad about myself, that I had to tear other people down. I envy those who have good personalities, but then again I am glad that I don't have one. I want people to feel my pain, I want to make people feel the way that I did when I was younger. I can't help that I hurt others or leave scars on my friends that they carry around for the rest of their lives, I have scars on me, why shouldn't they. I walk the halls of my high school looking for my next victim. I already hurt my best friend, who is next? My life is better when I am hurting others, I enjoy the thoughts of someone thinking of me and being scared. I wish I could care about the way I made others feel, but no one had that sympathy for me when I was a kid. Now that I am a monster walking around stabbing everyone with my words, I have never felt better. It truly gives me a satisfaction like no other knowing I am hurting everyone I love. "I don't want to be your friend anymore." Those words brings music to my ears, and then I think to myself another one down and many more to go. I leave behind a path of un repairable destruction, but once again that was my goal from the start and I sure succeeded.
DeleteAbbie Schell
I shined like pyrite and gave the air of perfection as well as a semi-transparent mirror. Hold it in, I tell myself. The past is past. Leave it there. Don’t go back, because going back will send you spiraling down a rabbit hole of every cruel comment everyone has made to you.
ReplyDeleteNow I’m so much more authentic. I don’t have to hold up the pretty picture I painted and held in front of myself for so long. I have people who adore me, and I shouldn’t be bothered by those who don’t. I have all I need. I know my real identity.
But it always slips back in the reflection that flashes at me in storefront windows. It comes in waves— when I see a middle schooler being gossiped about or doing the gossiping, when I see a girl submissively sitting next to her egotistical boyfriend with a quiet smile, when I watch shows that wrap me into their layers and layers of drama so thick it feels like I can’t breathe anymore. It’s there. It’s a part of me, but it doesn’t have to be who I am.
My mind falls back into that of my 12-year-old self. I hear the echo of friends complimenting me to my face then turning around to bash me. They didn’t wonder why the guys weren’t drawn to me like they were to them. They knew it was because I radiated “different” with a splash of “intimidating.” Their words cut so deep, but I chose to fix my wounds with bandaids. It did the job for the time being, but now there’s blood seeping through.
And now they wonder why I share too much sometimes or make everyone else uncomfortable by reaching out to a stranger. I don’t do it to seem like a good person. It’s not for me at all; it’s because any person could potentially be going through what I went through. And even though I’m still dealing with it myself, I know how good it feels to be seen in a real way.
-Brooklyn
I definitely saw that coming. I’m uncool. I know. But they didn’t have to poke fun at me just because I talked to the girl sitting alone at the table at lunch. I know how it is; trust me. I was there so many times before. You know, I spent all of middle school being taunted and backstabbed because I was weird. I wasn’t weird in a bad way; I was weird in the way that I intimidated all the guys—and lots of girls too, hence my only “friends” being the populars. I remember that day at lunch when they all picked at my lack of a guy to take me to the Snowball dance. I remember how I embarrassingly flipped open my phone to draft a text to my guy bestfriend, who they didn’t know. All the better. Those words looked so foreign, and I’m pretty sure my face was blazing red as I crafted a beautiful lie about him kissing me soft, but eager in the empty classroom after school. The girls twirled their hair and their faces were painted with a pout as they wished they lived in the fantasy that I myself had made up. But that’s what happens when they laugh at your hair and your jeans and everything else about you. You get a girl who paints her lips bright red and spills red hot lies out of them on the daily. That’s not who she is now, though. Nope. I’m the girl who’s on the other side.
DeleteLucee Thomas
ReplyDeleteYou always used to tell me who I could be, who I was supposed to be. Why did you contain me within your walls instead of letting me become my own person? Why would you insist you knew everything and had the keys that could unlock a happy life for me? Do I not know myself better than you? Apparently not. How am I to make it in this world if you exclude me from every new experience and keep me under your rock of oppression. But now I am free. Free to be myself and make decisions for my own benefit and not have to try and fit into the cookie cutter shape that you so carefully molded for me. I’m free.
DeleteI gave you a mold that should’ve been so easy to fit into so life would be easier for you. I planned out your life and made it so that everyone was ready for you. I know you better than anyone else which is why I made so many decisions for you. I know I can help you live a happy life if you listen to me and understand that all I do is for you. But now you’ve left me, why did you not appreciate all I do for you. How could you abandon me when I have devoted my entire life to you. You ran off and decided that you could do it better than me. You don’t care than I’ve tried to make you into a better person and you’ve forgotten me. You may think you’re free, but you will always come back to me.
This person was in my life for over 10 years and was a very big part of it seeing as she was my best friend at one point. But, she decided she didn't want any part of it when I started growing and finding more friends and more people like me that I related to. She made me feel bad at times for being happy and having fun when they weren't around. I never understood how someone who was supposed to love and care for me, would be mad about me being happy and make me feel bad about it. Whenever I would get a text from her, it would just ruin my night and make me want to go home and be by myself so she couldn't make me feel bad about being with someone other than her. She looks like any other girl, same height as me, dark eyes and hair and a really good smile.
ReplyDeleteShe was somebody who I used to love being around all the time and couldn't go a couple fo days without hanging out with her. Now, things have changed and we have both grown up. I forgave her a couple of years ago, but it was never the same. I think I just never wanted to subject myself to that type of treatment again by her. I still talk to her today, but it's not like best friends who know every single thing about each other. She is almost like a stranger who looks like someone that I used to know. I guess I could say I am grateful because if I never got out from under her shadow, I never would be friends with the people that I am today.
Eliza Coulter
Revised:
DeleteWhenever I think about this person and the times we shared, it makes me happy but also sad. She was my best friend, but also someone who could tear me down the most if that is even possible for a best friend to do. She was my height, dark brown hair and eyes, and a very nice smile. She looked nice and I suppose she still is, but when we were younger, she didn’t always treat me nice. She would make me feel bad for hanging out with someone other than her and it would be even worse if I posted about it. I never understood why someone who said they wanted to see me happy, would always make me feel bad about being happy if it was with someone other than them. So, when she said she wanted to stop being friends, it didn’t make me very sad. When she did apologize, it made things better, but never the same as they were before. I think it is easier to forgive than to forget and that is probably a good thing. But I would never wish anything bad on her and I am happy she has a good life and is very happy doing whatever she does. She is still my height; her hair is a little bit lighter because she highlighted it and she still has very dark brown eyes. But her smile isn’t as nice as I always thought because of everything that has happened between us.
Eliza Coulter
I consider myself a girl's girl; I support all girls, will look out for them, and am generally very welcoming. But there is one girl that I just cannot stand. Ever since junior high, she has went out of her way to tear myself and other women down, and cause distress in everyone's lives. She was your typical popular girl; tall, skinny, pretty, with a horrid attitude.
ReplyDeleteI remember in my college writing class senior year of high school, we had to give a speech describing our struggle(s) in life. She spoke to the class about how she felt alienated growing up, and it made childhood and adolescence really difficult for her. I had grown up with her. She was never an outcast. This just made me dislike her even more.
Cailin O'Hara
His voice is as vile as his words. He holds no empathy for man, woman, or child unless they carried the same views as his own. He is tall with inky black hair that matches his soul. His tone may seem educated, but his voice only spills hate. He thrives off the chaos his criminally cruel words create. A wretch who knows of his sins, but refuses to acknowledge them. An anarchist whose only weapon is his mouth Just his name causes hate to fill my entire existence.
ReplyDeleteHis childhood must have been filled with privilege and ignorance. The privilege to get away with whatever drivel came out of his mouth or the ignorance to overlook all of the issues happening around him. A child who has never been corrected for his words only congratulated for telling the "truth". This man who has once was child whose mind was not filled with such horrid words is now a man whose existence brings darkness.
Revised Monologue:
DeleteI stand on the backs of those who are lesser than me. All of their bodies piled together so I am on top of the world. I never look down because if I did, I would see their pain-filled expressions, the tears that stain their face, hear how their backs groaning underneath the weight. Their pain does not matter. If only they had been better they could have had the same opportunities as me. If only they hadn’t had broken homes, lazy parents, an identity that is a part of the straight & narrow path then they could have witnessed the same sight as me.
Whenever I see this man, a feeling of nausea washes over me. He was my coach for one year in high school before he quit. I had a bad feeling about him from the start, and then he put me on the JV team, when everyone else in my grade was on varsity. He was very skinny, average height, and had dark hair. He always wore the same black Adidas tennis shoes. I know this because I would always stare at them as he yelled at us in our team huddles because I didn't want to listen to what he had to say. He worked as a teacher at my school, and when I saw him in the hallways, I would look away. Seeing his face meant I had to relive the anxiety, stress, and worthlessness I felt playing for him. No one on my team cared for him, because he never took the time to really get to know us as people. He only cared about how many wins we had.
ReplyDeleteHe would always tell us about his past playing the sport. "When I played in high school and our team dropped a ball, we would have to run 3 miles. I go easy on you guys, and you don't appreciate it. Come on, guys. Work harder. Play like you want to be here." Listening to him say this, all I wanted to say was that he is the reason we didn't want to be there anymore. He made me change the way I looked at volleyball. I used to enjoy it, but his method of coaching made me scared whenever I thought about it. I was anxious for practice. I couldn't sleep the night before open gyms. There is nothing worse than a coach making you lose your passion for a sport that you used to love. Hearing him speak about his past volleyball experiences, I knew that he must not have had a coach like that because otherwise he would have been more gracious.
From his perspective:
DeleteWhen I played in high school, I was the team captain. I did everything right, and it was always up to me to figure out how we could work together as a team. Now, I’m a humble guy. I’m all about respecting one another and our differences. I made sure everyone felt welcome on the team, except when they mess up on game point and it costs us the game. That is when I would walk up to them and tell them that we will have to work more on that specific skill at practice. I loved being the leader, and I continue to be one today as your coach.
It doesn't make sense to me how you are okay making people feel the way you do. You can be as kind and warm as ever. One of the brightest people, that I've ever known. Who cares about the people around you so deeply and want whats best for them. But in the switch of a moment that can change. And if it does everyone knows it and you make sure of it. You make sure your anger lingers like salt in a wound, and say things that I know you don't mean, but I hope you do know that they are stained on the victims mind like red wine on a brand new white shirt. And you can try to clean it with your bleach-soaked apologies but that cannot be undone. Your emotions are like a storm drain trying to contain a tsunami, but unlike a storm drain, I know that you are so much more capable. You are not bound by the means of concrete, not set by dimensions, you have potential, and I know you know that. I know that you would be motivated to change if you truly did understand how it hurt the people around you. And I wish I could do that for you. But I can and will wait for that day to come. Logan Burford
ReplyDeleteThey never warn you that your body changes when growing up, they only judge after the fact. When we're young and active we enjoy food with no restriction, all the joy and warmness it gives you. They never warn you that one day that feeling turns to guilt as you're staring in the mirror, fighting back not only tears but the words of unkind people. Starting middle school is hard enough with all the transitions. My 12-year-old self went for a quick bathroom break and in the stall was where I was rooted with a negative self-image. " Did you see how much weight she gained over the summer?" This one remark change my whole perspective on life. My heart dropped and I waited until no one could hear me cry before I dare step foot out of the stall. I knew that in middle school makeup, boys, and school became more important but when did this become a thing? The burn of the words stayed in my stomach for months as I slowly lost the weight and myself. There's a fine line between healthy and happy and a 12-year-old should never lose both so young. As I eventually got over the situation and got my weight under control, the words stayed were tattooed in the back of my mind. A chilling reminder that I would never be happy looking at myself in the mirror. Chills were instantly sent down my spine every time I was in a room with her. Even at 20, I've continued to struggle with self-image. Every now and then as I lay my head down for rest, my real-life nightmare takes over my dreams and I'm left with the horrifying reminder that my body will never be skinny enough.
ReplyDeleteThis girl was my best friend. She was sweet, understanding, and seemed broken internally. I helped her, I fixed her, I cared for her, I took her under my wing as she was another sister to me. Our bond seemed unmatched. It seemed different like it could never be replaced. In fact we were so close I was sure I would take a bullet for her. I was wrong. I was getting into a relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate. I went on vacation with them and they instantly clicked leaving me out like I meant nothing to them. I was heart broken. But I knew the curtain was closed for both of them.
ReplyDeleteMonologue:
“I’m sorry Bella it meant nothing to me.”
“Our friendship means more to me than you think.”
“What can I do to fix this.”
“You know what you didn’t deserve me, you are fake.”
Isabella Krueger
REVISED MONOLOGUE FROM THEIR POV
DeleteMy childhood was rough, I’ve done everything to be the best person I can. With my mom jumping around from different guys to my dad all throughout my childhood it has not been easy. I love my boyfriend, I do but I feel like there’s always a chase with other guys because my mom set that example for me. There is always a distraction that takes over the thing I’m focused on. I feel like there are always better things to come and that I can always find something better than I have at the moment. He meant nothing to me, it was just for the moment. I wish I could go back and change things because our friendship meant a whole lot to me. I know it’s too late but I feel betrayed that you could just end our friendship so easily over a guy that I thought may be a better fit for me.
He has an oval head with a crooked smile. A voice that had similar effects of nails to a chalk board. Everyday I dreaded to see him. I could hear his heavy footsteps come through the hallway with purpose. He was a bully because he just could. Insult after insult to anyone around seemed to roll off the tongue too well as if he heard it a lot to himself. I overheard him talking about his home life as hell and school as his escape. No one agreed with his coping mechanism but, that’s how life is. He said to me in the future, “Everyone deals with different battles, and everyone solves them in their own way”. This is no excuse, but I understood. He continued to heckle others as he started to grow wider rather then tall. Once he saw others grow taller rather then wide like him, the script flipped. He felt guilt as if he deserved this until on of his past victims took up for him. He felt ashamed that he did this to them and sadness that he can’t take it back.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood was one that could be summed up as lucky. I was never at the top of my class, I couldn’t really even consider myself book smart. My whole life I have been able to skate my way through life with very little repercussions. When I wronged someone or something, I was never reprimanded or even held accountable for it. My parents went along with it- they would protect me and right my wrongs that shouldn’t have been fixed in the first place. As a result, I have become an adult that is highly manipulative, that gaslights others and makes everyone else feel like they are the problem. I live my life freely. I live my life as if I hadn’t hurt anybody, and couldn’t be concerned with how I am perceived in public.
ReplyDeleteDiscussion post:
ReplyDeleteI haven't always been the social, yet independent person I am today. When I was younger I used to avoid people and keep to myself whenever I could.
Over the years I had passed up opportunity after opportunity to socialize at events and other places. However, after a while I had felt that I was missing out on something really important. So, a little while after that I had gone to an school related event and wasn't disappointed. After that I had finally found out what I had been missing out on for so long. Later around that same week I had attended another event and then another, then I had noticed I had become comfortable talking to just about anybody I came across.
In conclusion, I now realize that socializing with others is a crucial and necessary part of life that is not just vital for working and performing miscellaneous tasks, but for your mental health as well.
Monologue:
I dodged another get together today. An event where people gathered and socialized for hours on end. It never really made since to me why so many people wanted to group up like that. With a causal internal voice I thought “I guess I just don’t like people”. I really didn’t feel like talking to those people and putting so much energy into something I felt was meaningless, at the time.
ReplyDeleteMissed call. The moment I see your name pop up on my phone, I hear the thoughts of every hurtful word you’ve ever thrown at me. Every missed opportunity, every broken heart, and every feeling of pain you’ve inflicted into my mind and body. It all comes back. I never realized it was wrong until it was too late. I go back to that little girl just wanting to be accepted by you. To hear you say “I’m sorry”. Two words. Two words I have never and will never experience come from your mouth. But, despite all of this, I’ve always looked up to you. Your long blonde hair, perfect smile, and the way you hold yourself. It scares me. The thought that one day I might live up to you. And sometimes I hear it. When i get angry or upset and I hear those trained words hit others. I ruin from that every day and try to be better than you were.
Sometimes I do feel sorry for you. It’s hard to admit, but I do. When I hear you talk about what you went through as a child. The love you never felt. How you always wanted to be better than that. But, you never could be. It makes me think. Will I turn out the same and be the thing I’ve been running from my whole life?
REVISED MONOLOGUE:
I’ve gone through a lot. growing up and through my adulthood. I try hard to not let this mirror onto how I treat people now. It gets the best of me. I don’t realize how I let it affect people now. When I get angry I let my emotions overtake me. When people try to explain how I hurt them, I can’t handle it. I have to victimize myself so that I don’t get hurt again. I always have to play defense when things get rough.